Define bittersweet…

 

Going away to college…hasn’t quite hit me yet. All the little in between prep stages are still in the works so I can’t really connect all the dots as of now. But I do get into modes sometimes where I really start to think of what its going to be like to leave my family. Most of you know I have eight brothers and sisters, four of which have kids, making me an aunt ten times with one on the way. These kids…just have my heart completely. Even now I want to cry just thinking about leaving them. I get to see most of them at least once every week or two. When I go away, I know that all it will take is a blink of my eye and they will have grown way too fast. It will be months at a time I will have to go without seeing them. “Aunt Kaka” who always played with them at the family parties and let them sleep in her bed when they came to spend the night at Pop Pop and Gramma’s won’t be here all the time any more. To be honest, my heart aches to think of it…

But I’m trying my best to stay positive here for myself and for my family. I know this is where God wants me to go and that is what I hold onto. I hope my friends and family can hold onto that too. He has a way better plan for me than I could ever try to come up with myself, so I’m not going to try to. My trust in Him grows deeper with my every journey. I can’t even imagine what He could have in store for me in Tennessee! I know it will be good.

In the meantime, I am cherishing every moment with my friends and family. And especially loving my time with all those crazy kids, in a way that I never have before. Sometimes I just watch them and slip into a sad longing to be with them for a little while longer, but then remember that God is taking me where he will make me the best I can be. What I now realize is that he is not just making me a better person, but also a better aunt, a better sister, a better daughter. This move is not only for me, it is for everyone that I interact with in life. For this reason, I can leave them for a little while.

For this reason, I can lay down the plans I have for my life and give them entirely to the Lord. How good He is to me…

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Define bittersweet…

  1. Susan

    No worries Aunt Kaka. We will stay in touch; you will get phone calls and pictures; and we will skype! And we will definitely come visit (you have room for 3 extras in that dorm room of yours, right?).

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